Kajira of Gor Read online

  "Is anything amiss, my Tatrix?" inquired Ligurious.

  "No," I said. "No!"

  Then I continued, again, to smile and bow, to nod and wave to the crowd.

  I hoped that my condition was not evident to the stern, practical Ligurious, first minister of Corcyrus.

  His maleness, and Goreanness, too, of course, were felt keenly by me.

  At his least word I would have stripped myself in the silken palanquin and presented myself publicly to him for his pleasures.

  Soon the procession began to wend its way back to the palace. One incident, perhaps worthy of note, occurred. A man rushed forth, angrily, from the crowd, to the very side of the palanquin. Drusus Rencius caught him there and flung him back. I screamed, startled. In a moment, the retinue stopped, the man was held by the arms, on his knees, at the side of the palanquin.

  Swords were held at the man's neck. "He is unarmed," said Drusus Rencius.

  "Down with Sheila, not Tatrix but Tyranness of Corcyrus!" cried the man, looking angrily upward.

  "Silence!" said Ligurious.

  "You shall pay for your crimes and cruelties!" cried the man. "Not forever will the citizens of Corcyrus brook the outrages of the palace!"

  "Treason!" cried Ligurious.

  The man was struck at the side of the head by the butt of a spear. I cried out, in misery.

  "This man is a babbling lunatic," said Ligurious to me. "Pay him no attention, my Tatrix."

  The fellow, his head bloody, sagged, half unconscious, in the grip of the soldiers.

  "Bind him," said Ligurious. The man's arms were wrestled behind his back and tied there.

  He looked up, his head bloody, from his knees.

  "Who are you?" I asked.

  "One who protests the crimes and injustice of Sheila, Tyranness of Corcyrus!" he said, boldly.

  "He is Menicius, of the metal workers," said one of the soldiers.

  "Are you Menicius?" I asked.

  "Yes," said the man.

  "Are you of Corcyrus?" I asked.

  "Yes," said he, "and once was proud to be!"

  "What do you want?" I asked.

  "Obviously it was his intention to do harm to his Tatrix," said Ligurious. "That is clear from his attack on the palanquin."

  "He was unarmed," said Drusus Rencius.

  "On a woman's throat," said Ligurious, coldly, "a man's hands need rest but a moment for dire work to be done."

  I put my finger tips lightly, inadvertently, to my throat. I did not doubt but what Ligurious was right. Assassination so simply might be accomplished.

  "Why would you wish me harm?" I asked the man.

  "I wish you no harm, Lady," said he, surlily, "save that you might get what you deserve, a collar in the lowest slave hole on Gor!"

  "It is treason," said Ligurious. "His guilt is clear."

  "Why, then, did you approach the palanquin?" I asked.

  "That the truth might be spoken in Corcyrus," he said, "that the misery and anger of the people might be declared!"

  "Prepare his neck," said Ligurious. A man seized the fellow's head and pulled his hair forward and down, exposing the back of the fellow's neck. Another soldier unsheathed his sword.

  "No!" I cried. "Free him! Let him go!"

  "Tatrix!" protested Ligurious.

  "Let him go," I said.

  The man's hands were freed. He stood up, startled. The crowd about, too, seemed startled, confused. The face of Ligurious was expressionless. He was a man, I sensed, not only of power, but of incredible control.

  "Have him given a coin!" I said.

  One of the soldiers, one of those who had had a bag of coins, and coin bits, about his shoulder, came forward. He put a copper piece in the man's hand.

  The man looked down at it, puzzled. Then, angrily, he spit upon it and flung it to the stones of the street. He turned about, and strode away.

  I saw another man snatch up the coin.

  There was a long moment's silence. Then this silence was broken by the voice of Ligurious. "Behold the glory and mercy of the Tatrix!" he said. "What better evidence could we have of the falsity of the lunatic's accusations?"

  "Hail Sheila, Tatrix of Corcyrus!" cried the man who had snatched up the coin.

  "Hail Sheila!" I heard. "Hail Sheila, Tatrix of Corcyrus!"

  In a moment the retinue resumed its journey back to the palace.

  "Is there anything to what the fellow said?" I asked Ligurious. "Is there unrest in Corcyrus? Is there some discontentment among our citizens?"

  "You have surely received the reports of our officers," said Ligurious.

  "Yes," I admitted.

  "Heed them, then," said Ligurious. "They are objective, and official."

  Such reports, I recalled, unequivocally attested to the hardiness and health of Corcyrus.

  "Do not pay attention to the babblings of lunatics," said Ligurious. "They are not worth taking seriously. Too, you will always be able to find frustrates who, excusing themselves, will seek to lay their failures and shortcomings not at their own door but at the gate of their city."

  "I need not concern myself with such charges, then?" I asked.

  "No," said Ligurious. "Forget them. Dismiss them, completely."

  I looked at him.

  "If you need reassurance," he said, "listen to your people."

  "Hail Sheila!" I heard. "Hail Sheila, Tatrix of Corcyrus!"

  "You see?" he asked.

  "Yes," I said. My heart, then, was flooded with elation, and with affection for the people of Corcyrus.

  "You are loved," said Ligurious.

  "Yes," I said. "I am loved." I waved happily at the crowd. I dismissed then the rantings of the lunatic from my mind.

  "You did make a mistake," said Ligurious. He was smiling and waving to the crowd, but he was speaking to me.

  "What was that?" I asked, waving to the crowd, speaking to Ligurious.

  "You should have permitted us to execute Menicius," he said. "You did not. That was a mistake."

  "Perhaps," I said. "But I am Tatrix of Corcyrus."

  "Of course," said Ligurious.

  * * * *

  I rolled onto my stomach on the silken coverlet. I touched it with my finger tips. It was exquisitely soft.

  "May I present to you Drusus Rencius, Lady Sheila, my sovereign, he who is first sword among our guards?" Ligurious had inquired several days ago.

  "The name seems not to be of Corcyrus," I said.

  "Various mercenaries are within our services," said Ligurious. "We have soldiers from as far as Anango and Skjern."

  "From what city does Drusus Rencius derive?" I inquired.

  "Ar, Lady," said Ligurious.

  "Our allegiances, I thought," I said, "are with Cos."

  "Drusus Rencius is a renegade, Lady," said Ligurious. "Do not fear. He now serves only himself and silver."

  I inclined my head to Drusus Rencius. He was a dark-haired, tall, supple, lean, long-muscled, large-handed man. He had gray eyes. He had strong, regular features. In him I sensed a powerful intelligence.

  "Lady," said he, bowing before me.

  He seemed quiet, and deferential. But there was within him, I did not doubt, that which was Gorean. He would know what to do with a woman.

  "He is to be your personal guard," said Ligurious.

  "A bodyguard?" I inquired.

  "Yes, Lady," said Ligurious.

  I looked at the tall, spare man. He carried a helmet in the crook of his left arm. It was polished but, clearly, it had seen war. The hilt of the sword in his scabbard, at his left hip, too, was worn. It was marked, too, with the stains of oil and sweat. His livery, too, though clean, was plain. It bore the insignia of Corcyrus and of his standing in the guards, that of the third rank, the first rank to which authority is delegated. In the infantry of Corcyrus the fifth rank is commonly occupied for at least a year. Promotion to the fourth rank is usually automatic, following the demonstrated attainment of certain levels of martial skills. The
second rank and the first rank usually involve larger command responsibilities. Beyond these rankings come the distinctions and levels among leaders who are perhaps more appropriately to be thought of as officers, or full officers, those, for example, among lieutenants, captains, high captains and generals. That Drusus Rencius was first sword among the guards, then, in this case, as his insignia made clear, was not a reference to his rank but a recognition of his skill with the blade. That these various ranks might be occupied, incidentally, also does not entail that specific command responsibilities are being exercised. A given rank, with its pay grade, for example, might be occupied without its owner being assigned a given command. The command of Drusus Rencius, for example, if he had had one, would presumably be relinquished when he took over his duties as a personal guard. His skills with the sword, I suppose, had been what had called him to the attention of Ligurious. These, perhaps, had seemed to qualify him for his new assignment. To be a proper guard for a Tatrix, however, surely involved more than being quick with a sword. There were matters of appearances to be considered. I felt a bit irritated with the fellow. I would put him in his place.

  "The guard for a Tatrix," I said to Ligurious, "must be more resplendent."

  "See to it," said he to Drusus Rencius.

  "As you wish," responded Drusus Rencius.

  Ligurious had then left.

  Drusus Rencius looked down at me. He seemed very large and strong. I felt very small and weak.

  "What is wrong?" I asked, angrily.

  "It is nothing," he said.

  "What!" I demanded.

  "It is only that I had expected, from what I have heard, that Lady Sheila would be somewhat different than I find her."

  "Oh?" I said.

  He continued to look at me.

  "In what way?" I asked.

  "I had expected Lady Sheila to seem more of a Tatrix," he said, "whereas you seem to me to be something quite different."

  "What?" I asked.

  "Forgive me, Lady," he smiled. "If I answered you truthfully I would fear that I might be impaled."

  "Speak," I said.

  He smiled.

  "You may speak with impunity," I said. "What is it that I seem to be to you?"

  "A female slave," he said.

  "Oh!" I cried, in fury.

  "Does Lady Sheila often go unveiled?" he asked.

  "Yes," I said. "A Tatrix has no secrets from her people. It is good for her people to be able to look upon their Tatrix!"

  "As Lady Sheila wishes," he said, bowing. "May I now withdraw?"

  "Yes!" I said. He had seen me without my veil. I felt almost naked before him, almost as though I might truly be a slave.

  "I shall be at your call," he said. He then withdrew.

  * * * *

  I twisted on the couch and turned again to my back. I looked up at the ceiling.

  The effects of the wine I had had for supper were still with me. I think it may have been drugged.

  It was not easy to sort things out. I had had a strange dream, mixed in with other dreams.

  "I am the Tatrix of Corcyrus," I had said to Ligurious, in the palanquin. "Of course," he had said.

  How can I be the Tatrix of Corcyrus, I asked myself. Does this make any sense? Is it not all madness? I could understand how women could be brought to this world to be put in collars and made slaves, like Susan, for example, and doubtless others. That was comprehensible. But why would one be brought here to rule a city? Surely such positions of privilege and power these Goreans would reserve for themselves. The more typical position for an Earth girl, I suspected, would be to find herself at the feet of a master. I wondered if I were truly the Tatrix of Corcyrus. Surely I had seldom exercised significant authority. Too, at times, my schedule seemed a bit erratic or strange. At certain Ahn I was expected to be in the public rooms of the palace and, at others, even at the ringing of palace time bars, for no reason I clearly understood, I was expected to be in my quarters. "Certain traditions customarily govern the calendar of the Tatrix," Ligurious had informed me. At certain times I had been conducted to my quarters I had thought that sessions of important councils had been scheduled, councils at whose sessions it would be natural to expect the presence of the Tatrix. The matters to be discussed in certain of these meetings, however, I had learned from Ligurious, were actually too trivial to warrant the attention of the Tatrix. Thus it was not necessary that I attend. In certain other cases, I was informed, the meetings had been postponed or canceled. Protocols and customs are apparently extremely significant to Goreans. What seemed to me inexplicable oddities or apparent caprices in my schedule were usually explained by reference to such things. "It is fitting that the proprieties of Corcyrus be respected by her Tatrix, even when they might appear arbitrary," had said Ligurious.

  I looked up at the ceiling, in the hot Corcyran night.

  Was I the Tatrix of Corcyrus?

  Susan, I was sure, believed me to be the Tatrix of Corcyrus. So, too, I was confident, did my bodyguard, Drusus Rencius, once of Ar.

  Too, I had not been challenged in the matter in my audiences, my public appearances, or even in court. By all, it seemed, I was accepted as the Tatrix of Corcyrus. Ligurious, first minister of the city, even, had assured me of the reality of this dignity. And had I wished further confirmation of my condition and status surely I had received it earlier today, from the very citizens of Corcyrus itself. "Hail Sheila, Tatrix of Corcyrus!" they had cried.

  "I am the Tatrix of Corcyrus," I had told Ligurious. "Of course," he had said.

  Inexplicable and strange though it might seem, I decided that I was, truly, the Tatrix of Corcyrus.

  I closed my eyes and then opened them. I shook my head, briefly. The effects of the wine I had had for supper were still with me. I think that it might have been drugged. What purpose could have been served by such an action, however, I had no idea.

  I had had a strange dream, mixed in with other dreams.

  I whimpered on the great couch, lying in the heat of the Corcyran night.

  I was Tatrix.

  How extraordinary and marvelous this was! Too, I was not insensitive to the emoluments and perquisites of this office, to the esteem and prestige that might attend it, to the glory that might be expected to be its consequence, to the wealth and power which, doubtless, sometime, would prove to be its inevitable attachments.

  In office, clearly, I acknowledged to myself, I was a Tatrix. I wondered, however, if there was a Tatrix within me, or something else.

  I forced from my mind, angrily, the memory of the girls in brief tunics, chained by the neck, kneeling down, heads down, in the street. I forced from my mind, angrily, the memory of the women in the market, naked, chained in place, awaiting the interest of buyers.

  I twisted on the great couch, in misery.

  Nowhere more than on this world had I felt my femininity, and nowhere else, naturally enough, I suppose, had I felt it more keenly frustrated. I wondered what it was, truly, to be a woman.

  I had had a strange dream. I had awakened into it, or had seemed to awaken into it, from another. In the preceding dream I had been on my hands and knees on the tiles of a strange room. I was absolutely naked. There was a chain on my neck and it ran to a ring in the floor. Drusus Rencius, standing, was towering over me. He carried a whip. He was smiling. I looked up at him, in terror. He shook out the long, broad, pliant blades of the whip. It was a five-stranded Gorean slave whip. I looked at the blades, in terror. "What are you going to do?" I asked. "Teach you to be a woman," he said. I had then seemed to awaken into another dream. In this one was Ligurious. I felt portions of the coverlet being wrapped about me, between my shoulders and thighs. My arms were pinned to my sides, within the coverlet. I whimpered. It seemed that I was only partially conscious. Then I became aware of someone else in the room, bearing a small, flickering lamp. Ligurious held the coverlet with his right hand, holding it together, holding me in place, helplessly within it. With his left hand, it fasten
ed in my hair, he pulled my head back painfully. This exposed my features to the lamp. I sobbed, responding to this domination.

  "Do you see?" he asked. "Is it not remarkable?"

  "Yes," said a woman's voice. I gasped. It was as though I looked upon myself. She, as I had earlier in the day, wore the robes of the Tatrix. She, too, as I had, wore no veil. In the madness of the dream, in its oddity, it was surely I, or one much like myself, who looked upon me. How strange are dreams!

  "I think she will do very nicely," said Ligurious.

  "That, too, would be my conjecture," said the woman.

  Ligurious moved his right hand, grasping the rim of the coverlet, tight about my breasts.

  "Do you wish to see her, fully?" he asked.

  I whimpered. I realized he could strip the coverlet away, baring me in the light of the lamp.

  "You are not so clever as you think, Ligurious," she said. "Do you think I do not see that you, in stripping her, would be, in effect, and to your lust and amusement, stripping me, and before my very eyes?"

  "Forgive me," smiled Ligurious, first minister of Corcyrus.

  "Pull the lower portion of the coverlet down further," she said. "You have revealed too much of her thighs."

  "Of course," he smiled, and adjusted the coverlet, drawing it down, over my knees.

  "Men are beasts," she said.

  "You well know my feelings for you," he said.

  "They will go unrequited," she said. "Content yourself with your slaves."

  I feared the woman bending over me. I could sense now that even if she seemed superficially much like me, at least in appearances, she was in actuality quite different. She seemed highly intelligent, doubtless more so than I, and severe and decisive. She seemed harsh, and hard and cold. She seemed merciless and cruel; she seemed arrogant, impatient, demanding, haughty, and imperious. Such a woman I thought, as I am not, is perhaps a true Tatrix. Surely it seemed more believable that such a woman might hold power in a city such as Corcyrus than I.